From 2014 to 2015 I was engaged to the love of my life, Steve. After a year of engagement we spent a few months trying to give it time and space, but nothing helped. Needless to say it didn’t work out. It devastated both of us in different ways and we went into 2016 as two people moving forward with our separate lives.
The brokenness and loss of that love was one of the catalysts for starting my Blog. After months of healing and battling through the grief of a loss so great I knew God was calling me to share my life and testimony to help others.
Two months into blogging, I felt God tugging on my heart to share my story of lost love. It became my first official VLOG and one of the most vulnerable things I’ve ever had to do; A video about getting through a broken engagement and facing singleness again.
My first Birthday since our break-up was a particularly difficult and emotional one given that we have the same birthday. Yup! Same exact day. It was something very special we shared together for years. And after ten months of no contact with Steve, no text, no call, no email, it was finally the moment of truth. Do I text him Happy birthday? Or maybe he’ll text me for my birthday.
Midnight came and went, birthday over. I never texted him and he never texted me.
Through a complete act of God we ended up messaging each other the next day. It was a pleasant exchange and I thought that would be it. But then Steve asked if we could meet up for tea some time. We both love tea!
Given that I’d just spent the last ten months trying to get over this person, I had some concerns. I thought to myself “Oh come on God! I finally accepted that I can’t have this man. I don’t know if I can handle this”
After a lot of thought and prayer I decided to meet. I thought it could be a good source of healing and closure. So we met the next day, chatted about life and caught up. The more he spoke the more I realized how much he’d changed. And I could tell he sensed the changes in me as well.
We discussed a lot of difficult topics and some old wounds. It truly was healthy. I couldn’t believe it! The most painful part of our conversation was when we talked about moving on and the fact that we would eventually have to start dating other people.
As painful as that reality was, it sounded a million times worse hearing it out loud. But we both knew it as the truth. We said our goodbyes and that was that. I drove home feeling both good and bad; Accepting that this was what God wanted.
The Game Changer
A few days later I got a text from Steve asking if I’d ever be willing to meet up again. I knew this could be a slippery slope. So I prayed. Something inside me felt compelled to meet him. I had no idea what he wanted to say. But I just had to see him.
It was amazing! We talked for hours and communicated in a way that we never had before. I remember it feeling so healthy, different and blessed. Hours later we both looked at each other and we knew. Both surprised and relieved to realize we were still in love with each other. Everyone would think we’re insane for even considering this again!
God gives us Wisdom
I knew my next step would be meeting with my Spiritual mentor. An amazingly Godly woman who knows all about my relationship. I met with her to seek wisdom.
I was completely shocked when she responded by saying “That’s great! You’ve prayed and you’ve both grown and changed. If you feel like this is something from God then spend time together and talk and see what God does.”
The best piece of advice she gave us was not to announce it to people. Not that it was something bad or we were hiding. But we needed time and space to let things naturally progress without pressure from loved ones. Thinking about getting back together with your fiancé after almost a year apart is no easy feet to overcome.
We spent the next few weeks meeting up for tea, a walk or a hike.
The whole month of November we spent time together. We would meet about once a week and were very intentional about having healthy boundaries. It was important to protect both of our hearts.
God was leading us at His pace and timing was the top priority. In the time we weren’t able to see each other we spent a lot of time with God in prayer.
There were so many issues God revealed to both of us. A lot of deep rooted issues that had never truly been addressed. It was hard and eye opening. I was even surprised by the unseen hurt hiding deep in my heart. Buried so deep.
A New Chapter
By December we both knew this was right and wanted to be together. We knew the seriousness of the situation and didn’t want to waste any more time. After a lot more prayer and discussion Steve went to talk to my dad. I was terrified!
How easily we forget God has it under control.
The next few weeks in January we spent letting our immediate family know. And on February 14th 2017, Valentine’s Day, Steve gave me the ring that he’d asked me to wear 3 years prior, except he asked me to wear it forever this time.
This moment symbolized everything coming full circle. There was something so deep within drawing us to one another. Something inside both of us just didn’t want to be with anyone else and didn’t want to do life apart.
So here we are, engaged again. Some people say we’re crazy. Some would say it was a waste of time. But we had to go through it. And now we have this amazing story and testimony of a relationship ordained, destined and redeemed by God.
It was the hardest thing we’ve ever been through, but neither of us would change our story. It’s messy. It’s not perfect. It’s not your average fairytale.
It’s a love restored by God!
Click here to check out our Intimate Backyard Wedding and watch the rest of our story unfold..
***Photo Credit: By Sadie Johnson at Centerpeace Photography